I have no idea why or how Adam has persuaded me to do this...maybe I am on a downer and just need to do something...
Here goes...
My ex-girlfriend (Lin) and I broke up a little over two months ago, it was nearly 5 years. We met each other during our years at Uni, we studied different subjects but shared the same lecture halls. It was autumn of 2004, Jennifer, a class mate of mine, found a LG phone and being the kind-hearted type she decided to return it after class. Once Jennifer figured out how to switch it on (mind you, LG phones were very different to the ones on the market and very few people had that brand in those days!), the "home" number was dialled, a gentleman picked up and spoke Cantonese...in sheer confusion and panic, Jennifer launched the phone to my face and lipped "The guy is speaking Chinese! TALK to him!" So I explained to the gentleman a phone belonging to his son or daughter was found by us and I left him my number. Several days later the owner of the phone called me and arranged somewhere to return what was needing returned, numbers were exchanged and we kept in contact.
In June 2007, my girlfriend (Carmen) at the time, who I had a 4 year relationship with dumped me, I was heart broken and felt confused...I couldn't understand what was the problem? We had a long distant relationship that was going fine, her family loved me, her siblings didn't mind me and I was prepared to moved to where she was when I graduated from Uni...
(This was how shocked and depressed I was)
Literally only after 2 hours of dumping me, she went off to the nearby city to go clubbing with a guy called James. I couldn't say anything nor did I move for what felt like half a day...
When I got home, I drank myself stupid, age of only 20, I drank for one month solid...I had to stop after one month because I ran out of money to continue. Then more news came, apparently during the course of the relationship, she had cheated on me with 4 other guys that our friends knew of and God knows how many others in between! I can remember the exact feeling when I heard that...The closest way to describe is this, you just got your nuts kicked and you've curled up, suddenly another kick was launched in on the gooch...
A couple of months went by, I started to get in contact more with Lin, constant texting day and night...phone calls that ended in the earlier hours of the weekend...inevitabily a relationship developed.
Many great times were had, few bad things happened, new things were tried and wrong things were said...then we drifted apart...but we were still together. When Lin graduated from her course in 2009, all the events, photo shoots and after party lodgings was organised except for the presence of one person. The most important person in Lin's, me! I wasn't there on her graduation because I was on the other side of the world. A small town boy was picked to be one of the final contestants in the Mr Hong Kong contest, how could I let this pass by? At the time I did believe that it could open doors that I never knew existed, later on I realised those doors are there but they weren't for me to walk up to...I had a great time and met many people but it came at a cost. This was one grudge that would appear in our arguments time after time.
2010, when things settled down between us, Lin was allocated work at the local hospital and I found myself working at the family restaurant, she only lived 20 miles away so I spent most of my off days seeing her. Good, smooth days!
I was the barmen to begin with and it wasn't bad! I socialised with the customers and they enjoyed my service, it was autumn 2010 that things started to change...our chefs were leaving and trying to find good chefs to replace them was impossible. Chefs wanting the job would phone saying I could do this, I could do that, I was head chef at this place, that place and the next place with "X" years of experience so I want this much salary! They came, most worked for 2 weeks then left, its too much work for so less, I can't cope with the work load, I have to help my relatives blah blah blah there wasn't one excuse that sounded genuine...it was imminent that I had to enter the kitchen and become the Head Chef. Work was tough, hours were long, sleep wasn't possible because I had to know, remember and think what else I needed to do...I hated the kitchen. Not the burns, not the cuts but it was working with my family. In their eyes, their way is right, you don't deviate and you don't mess with the recipes. The funny thing is, no matter if I did do it their way or not, it was wrong! This, wrong, that, wrong, everything, WRONG WRONG WRONG!!! We closed Mondays and it was used on seeing Lin if she was free or catching up with precious sleep. My father and I easily did 72-90hrs in our 6 day work week...This went on for 2 years.
During that time, something about me changed, I was always angry, the slightest thing agitated me, I didn't sleep well, I really started to hate my family and I couldn't talk to anyone! I felt trapped,depressed and lost, topping that off I also became very anti-social...slowly I forgot how to speak to people normally...I even didn't tell Lin what was going through my head! As if that wasn't enough, Lin was to be transferred 127 miles away from me to further her studies as a Family Doctor in autumn 2011.
As soon as that news came, I felt uncomfortable, a long distance relationship?? Can I even handle that? I started to get depressed but remained angry...it was very unique, I was snapping at stupid, little things but because I was depressed, it sounded like I was moaning under my breathe, pathetically... Karly* one of the girls who worked with us, one day asked: "Hey! How are you feeling and why the face?"
For unknown reasons, I started to open up to Karly, it was as if somebody reached out a hand and I held on. (I didn't want Lin to know I was unhappy because I didn't want her to be unhappy...so I hid things from her...)
Autumn 2011, Lin had moved up North 127 miles away, I didn't like it but I said nothing about it either. At the time, I didn't know what was going on but bless her, Lin kept giving and giving and trying and trying...simple things like baking things for me, arranging some time together and small holiday breaks...she did everything and organised everything to fit around me, changed things to suit me, all that to keep me smiling...I couldn't open up to her, I didn't want her to know my pain, my anger and in the end, I closed up and told her nothing...I drifted further away...I should of threw away my ego and pride, talking to Lin would of kept me on a straight path.
On looking back, Lin is one hell of a girl...I challenge ANYONE to say their girlfriend went that far for them and stuck around!
I took and took and gave nothing back...
I started to develop feelings for Karly by this point, in hind-sight, my feelings originated because Karly was there when I wanted to talk to someone and I misunderstood it for deeper feelings...Lin found out about this and the worst argument in our lives happened. Eventually, we talked things down on my terms and it seemed ok for a while...weeks later Lin told me that she was pregnant, 2 months in...I talked her into having an abortion because we were 127 miles apart, my work didn't allow much flexibility so I couldn't look after her during the pregnancy, she would have to stop her course and re-take it from start and raising a child in these circumstances would be so unfair to the child!
Financially there wasn't a problem, but I refused to raise a kid without both parents by it's side...being Chinese ourselves, we know that having a child outside marriage is a taboo and Lin would be seen as cheap and disgraceful to her family...
End of Summer, 2012, the family business that I ran in for a couple years was now leased to somebody else...Lin and I ended our 5 year relationship because I wanted Karly, the break up was very difficult but like always, it went my way...I was now single, out of an occupation and wanted to pursue Karly.
December 9th 2012, Lin and I still kept contact, on this particular day I was bored so I text her to say hi. She replied very quickly and said that she's on her way home via train journey and if I don't mind, I could pick her up, she in return will cover the cost of movie and dinner. I said sure thing, why not?
I picked Lin up from the train station and drove her home, she had to tidy her stuff, sort the mail and since the movie didn't start for another 2hrs, I used her computer to watch YouTube videos...as I reached over to turn on the speakers, I noticed a packet of medicine...they were very small pills with days labelled next to each one, I didn't recognise the brand so I typed it in Google. This was a new brand of female contraceptive pills and two were taken already...I curiously asked Lin why is there contraceptive pills laying around? Lin replied, what makes you think they are contraceptive pills and not cholesterol lowering pills? I answered: I was with you for 5 years, I know the shapes, sizes, colour and names of the majority of cholesterol pills your family took, your mother wouldn't need contraception because she went through the menopause and I googled it. She gave a faint cheeky smile and said thanks for finding them...we did what we planned for the evening and went back to our separate homes...
Early in the morning Lin, sent a text saying along the lines of, "I think you've guessed from the items around my computer I am in a new relationship...I still care for you as a friend and didn't intend to hurt you...I know you have strong feelings for Karly, go talk to her. We are moving on for the better and thanks for the great memories and new things you taught me! Lin"
My auto-response was "All the best to you both then :)". Typical shit!!
Lin doesn't know this, just 3 weeks ago, I poured out my heart to Karly. In a nut shell Karly didn't want a relationship with me, she thinks its best we remained friends and she only doesn't want one now but couldn't rule out future possibilities...
I feel upset & numb...do I subconsciously wanted to get back with Lin after a little time apart? Or is it the classic...somebody else is on my turf!? Jealousy? One thing is clear though, I can't believe Lin is in a sexual relationship already, it may not be my business but doesn't it take a bit of time to reach the sexual stage in a relationship? Have I destroyed a fine relationship by my own hands because of my weakness? Am I jealous and angry because I placed a bet and lost?
As I am writing this, I have had a large volumes of Bourbon and Coke BUT I AM STILL SOBER!!! The pain hurts and the heart dies a little...
Lin has moved on, the 5 year relationship had been placed in a coffin and the final nail was hammered...
Here goes...
My ex-girlfriend (Lin) and I broke up a little over two months ago, it was nearly 5 years. We met each other during our years at Uni, we studied different subjects but shared the same lecture halls. It was autumn of 2004, Jennifer, a class mate of mine, found a LG phone and being the kind-hearted type she decided to return it after class. Once Jennifer figured out how to switch it on (mind you, LG phones were very different to the ones on the market and very few people had that brand in those days!), the "home" number was dialled, a gentleman picked up and spoke Cantonese...in sheer confusion and panic, Jennifer launched the phone to my face and lipped "The guy is speaking Chinese! TALK to him!" So I explained to the gentleman a phone belonging to his son or daughter was found by us and I left him my number. Several days later the owner of the phone called me and arranged somewhere to return what was needing returned, numbers were exchanged and we kept in contact.
In June 2007, my girlfriend (Carmen) at the time, who I had a 4 year relationship with dumped me, I was heart broken and felt confused...I couldn't understand what was the problem? We had a long distant relationship that was going fine, her family loved me, her siblings didn't mind me and I was prepared to moved to where she was when I graduated from Uni...
(This was how shocked and depressed I was)
Literally only after 2 hours of dumping me, she went off to the nearby city to go clubbing with a guy called James. I couldn't say anything nor did I move for what felt like half a day...
When I got home, I drank myself stupid, age of only 20, I drank for one month solid...I had to stop after one month because I ran out of money to continue. Then more news came, apparently during the course of the relationship, she had cheated on me with 4 other guys that our friends knew of and God knows how many others in between! I can remember the exact feeling when I heard that...The closest way to describe is this, you just got your nuts kicked and you've curled up, suddenly another kick was launched in on the gooch...
A couple of months went by, I started to get in contact more with Lin, constant texting day and night...phone calls that ended in the earlier hours of the weekend...inevitabily a relationship developed.
Many great times were had, few bad things happened, new things were tried and wrong things were said...then we drifted apart...but we were still together. When Lin graduated from her course in 2009, all the events, photo shoots and after party lodgings was organised except for the presence of one person. The most important person in Lin's, me! I wasn't there on her graduation because I was on the other side of the world. A small town boy was picked to be one of the final contestants in the Mr Hong Kong contest, how could I let this pass by? At the time I did believe that it could open doors that I never knew existed, later on I realised those doors are there but they weren't for me to walk up to...I had a great time and met many people but it came at a cost. This was one grudge that would appear in our arguments time after time.
2010, when things settled down between us, Lin was allocated work at the local hospital and I found myself working at the family restaurant, she only lived 20 miles away so I spent most of my off days seeing her. Good, smooth days!
I was the barmen to begin with and it wasn't bad! I socialised with the customers and they enjoyed my service, it was autumn 2010 that things started to change...our chefs were leaving and trying to find good chefs to replace them was impossible. Chefs wanting the job would phone saying I could do this, I could do that, I was head chef at this place, that place and the next place with "X" years of experience so I want this much salary! They came, most worked for 2 weeks then left, its too much work for so less, I can't cope with the work load, I have to help my relatives blah blah blah there wasn't one excuse that sounded genuine...it was imminent that I had to enter the kitchen and become the Head Chef. Work was tough, hours were long, sleep wasn't possible because I had to know, remember and think what else I needed to do...I hated the kitchen. Not the burns, not the cuts but it was working with my family. In their eyes, their way is right, you don't deviate and you don't mess with the recipes. The funny thing is, no matter if I did do it their way or not, it was wrong! This, wrong, that, wrong, everything, WRONG WRONG WRONG!!! We closed Mondays and it was used on seeing Lin if she was free or catching up with precious sleep. My father and I easily did 72-90hrs in our 6 day work week...This went on for 2 years.
During that time, something about me changed, I was always angry, the slightest thing agitated me, I didn't sleep well, I really started to hate my family and I couldn't talk to anyone! I felt trapped,depressed and lost, topping that off I also became very anti-social...slowly I forgot how to speak to people normally...I even didn't tell Lin what was going through my head! As if that wasn't enough, Lin was to be transferred 127 miles away from me to further her studies as a Family Doctor in autumn 2011.
As soon as that news came, I felt uncomfortable, a long distance relationship?? Can I even handle that? I started to get depressed but remained angry...it was very unique, I was snapping at stupid, little things but because I was depressed, it sounded like I was moaning under my breathe, pathetically... Karly* one of the girls who worked with us, one day asked: "Hey! How are you feeling and why the face?"
For unknown reasons, I started to open up to Karly, it was as if somebody reached out a hand and I held on. (I didn't want Lin to know I was unhappy because I didn't want her to be unhappy...so I hid things from her...)
Autumn 2011, Lin had moved up North 127 miles away, I didn't like it but I said nothing about it either. At the time, I didn't know what was going on but bless her, Lin kept giving and giving and trying and trying...simple things like baking things for me, arranging some time together and small holiday breaks...she did everything and organised everything to fit around me, changed things to suit me, all that to keep me smiling...I couldn't open up to her, I didn't want her to know my pain, my anger and in the end, I closed up and told her nothing...I drifted further away...I should of threw away my ego and pride, talking to Lin would of kept me on a straight path.
On looking back, Lin is one hell of a girl...I challenge ANYONE to say their girlfriend went that far for them and stuck around!
I took and took and gave nothing back...
I started to develop feelings for Karly by this point, in hind-sight, my feelings originated because Karly was there when I wanted to talk to someone and I misunderstood it for deeper feelings...Lin found out about this and the worst argument in our lives happened. Eventually, we talked things down on my terms and it seemed ok for a while...weeks later Lin told me that she was pregnant, 2 months in...I talked her into having an abortion because we were 127 miles apart, my work didn't allow much flexibility so I couldn't look after her during the pregnancy, she would have to stop her course and re-take it from start and raising a child in these circumstances would be so unfair to the child!
Financially there wasn't a problem, but I refused to raise a kid without both parents by it's side...being Chinese ourselves, we know that having a child outside marriage is a taboo and Lin would be seen as cheap and disgraceful to her family...
End of Summer, 2012, the family business that I ran in for a couple years was now leased to somebody else...Lin and I ended our 5 year relationship because I wanted Karly, the break up was very difficult but like always, it went my way...I was now single, out of an occupation and wanted to pursue Karly.
December 9th 2012, Lin and I still kept contact, on this particular day I was bored so I text her to say hi. She replied very quickly and said that she's on her way home via train journey and if I don't mind, I could pick her up, she in return will cover the cost of movie and dinner. I said sure thing, why not?
I picked Lin up from the train station and drove her home, she had to tidy her stuff, sort the mail and since the movie didn't start for another 2hrs, I used her computer to watch YouTube videos...as I reached over to turn on the speakers, I noticed a packet of medicine...they were very small pills with days labelled next to each one, I didn't recognise the brand so I typed it in Google. This was a new brand of female contraceptive pills and two were taken already...I curiously asked Lin why is there contraceptive pills laying around? Lin replied, what makes you think they are contraceptive pills and not cholesterol lowering pills? I answered: I was with you for 5 years, I know the shapes, sizes, colour and names of the majority of cholesterol pills your family took, your mother wouldn't need contraception because she went through the menopause and I googled it. She gave a faint cheeky smile and said thanks for finding them...we did what we planned for the evening and went back to our separate homes...
Early in the morning Lin, sent a text saying along the lines of, "I think you've guessed from the items around my computer I am in a new relationship...I still care for you as a friend and didn't intend to hurt you...I know you have strong feelings for Karly, go talk to her. We are moving on for the better and thanks for the great memories and new things you taught me! Lin"
My auto-response was "All the best to you both then :)". Typical shit!!
Lin doesn't know this, just 3 weeks ago, I poured out my heart to Karly. In a nut shell Karly didn't want a relationship with me, she thinks its best we remained friends and she only doesn't want one now but couldn't rule out future possibilities...
I feel upset & numb...do I subconsciously wanted to get back with Lin after a little time apart? Or is it the classic...somebody else is on my turf!? Jealousy? One thing is clear though, I can't believe Lin is in a sexual relationship already, it may not be my business but doesn't it take a bit of time to reach the sexual stage in a relationship? Have I destroyed a fine relationship by my own hands because of my weakness? Am I jealous and angry because I placed a bet and lost?
As I am writing this, I have had a large volumes of Bourbon and Coke BUT I AM STILL SOBER!!! The pain hurts and the heart dies a little...
Lin has moved on, the 5 year relationship had been placed in a coffin and the final nail was hammered...
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