Last night I have done what is the 2nd most craziest thing in my life...I have cut contact with the Karly for my sanity...
It began at about 4pm during the day, Karly text me saying she's going to return some of my things...books and hoody etc...(at this moment in time, I had flash backs of the times we flirted, went out for walks and talks at her place...all the good stuff). I asked her what spurred this on so she replied she was "cleaning out her room and there's no point to clutching on to things." (my thought was - does this mean she thought of me as someone at some point? Or were you being nice by keeping them?)
"Then why did you hold on to those things till now?" I replied.
"What difference does it make whether I give them back now or two weeks later?" She replied..
I took it badly, if Karly knew this long ago then why did you drag this out till now? An argument through text happened.
Couple of hours later we text each other again and ...I started to think:
What did I do? I started to annoy & irritate her through text...one specific text of mine to her was cheeky at best: "Hey, i know i didn't wrote much on your xmas card, i'll add it here, Wishing you 2013 brings you the things you need since 2012 didn't give much of what you wanted :)"
She didn't get it so I explained, "You know how you wanted a Smart Roadster but couldn't have it? I hope that in 2013 you'll pass your driver's test and get into the course at Uni!"
I got a furious reply saying I was an asshole, I was a depressed shit head that likes to poke at people's wounds, a bastard that can't handle the fact that she doesn't feel the same, all sorts of nasty names in the English dictionary and I have fucked her off to the point of no return...In my defence, I didn't mean it in that way and I wanted Karly to focus on the practical things first...
To quote from Coldplay - Fix you:
I tried taking a shot with Karly but at best it was an "EPIC FAIL". I had her as a friend but not as a partner. I thought about her when I wasn't doing anything and sometimes it kept me up at nights. The cracker is this line "When you love someone but it goes to waste, could it be worse?"
My answer to that is I can't imagine a pain more cruel or tormenting than to love someone who doesn't feel the same. I would of moved mountains or drained oceans for her but this was all one-sided...(This must of been the pain that I put Lin though...)
I had done what I needed to do, the bond between us is severed, getting Karly to hate me and having no contact is the fastest and most efficient way for us to move on...its not what I wanted nor was it the best way...in the early hours of this morning, during my fury and upset I erased her contact details, I have no way to contact her unless I go to her house, I now have no reason to talk to her, I can't apologise for the way she interrupted the text, there won't be any more flirting, all messages deleted so I don't have anything to cling on to!!
I feel bad, in a way, I used her anger to make me angry enough to do this. Karly won't know that she has freed me emotionally...how could she? She despises me and there isn't a chance in Hell given to explain that she over reacted.
For my sake, I hope that, what happened and how it ended up was for the best...letting go of Lin and Karly has been very difficult choices. I wish that who ever they choose to be their partner, will take very good care of them, not to make the same mistakes I did and to truly know their worth.
Karly, one last word, your temper will bring you more trouble if you don't do something about it. You over-reacted to my text because you misinterpreted, I never intended to poke your wounds of not being able to have the things you wanted...
It began at about 4pm during the day, Karly text me saying she's going to return some of my things...books and hoody etc...(at this moment in time, I had flash backs of the times we flirted, went out for walks and talks at her place...all the good stuff). I asked her what spurred this on so she replied she was "cleaning out her room and there's no point to clutching on to things." (my thought was - does this mean she thought of me as someone at some point? Or were you being nice by keeping them?)
"Then why did you hold on to those things till now?" I replied.
"What difference does it make whether I give them back now or two weeks later?" She replied..
I took it badly, if Karly knew this long ago then why did you drag this out till now? An argument through text happened.
Couple of hours later we text each other again and ...I started to think:
- What is the point of this?
- Why keep in touch with a girl who is a friend at most when I want more?
- Is she leading me on knowingly?
- She doesn't see me as a potential partner or even boyfriend material!
- Our tempers are very similar...except I control mine a little better where she blasts it out...could I live with this?
- Texting her will only allow myself to hang on to the glimmer of hope that I, Hakuren, created in my head!
- She only came to me during 2 occasions, when she freaked out for her exams and when a creepy guy was following her about...
- Haven't I had enough of this sort tormenting?
What did I do? I started to annoy & irritate her through text...one specific text of mine to her was cheeky at best: "Hey, i know i didn't wrote much on your xmas card, i'll add it here, Wishing you 2013 brings you the things you need since 2012 didn't give much of what you wanted :)"
She didn't get it so I explained, "You know how you wanted a Smart Roadster but couldn't have it? I hope that in 2013 you'll pass your driver's test and get into the course at Uni!"
I got a furious reply saying I was an asshole, I was a depressed shit head that likes to poke at people's wounds, a bastard that can't handle the fact that she doesn't feel the same, all sorts of nasty names in the English dictionary and I have fucked her off to the point of no return...In my defence, I didn't mean it in that way and I wanted Karly to focus on the practical things first...
To quote from Coldplay - Fix you:
"When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?"
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?"
I tried taking a shot with Karly but at best it was an "EPIC FAIL". I had her as a friend but not as a partner. I thought about her when I wasn't doing anything and sometimes it kept me up at nights. The cracker is this line "When you love someone but it goes to waste, could it be worse?"
My answer to that is I can't imagine a pain more cruel or tormenting than to love someone who doesn't feel the same. I would of moved mountains or drained oceans for her but this was all one-sided...(This must of been the pain that I put Lin though...)
I had done what I needed to do, the bond between us is severed, getting Karly to hate me and having no contact is the fastest and most efficient way for us to move on...its not what I wanted nor was it the best way...in the early hours of this morning, during my fury and upset I erased her contact details, I have no way to contact her unless I go to her house, I now have no reason to talk to her, I can't apologise for the way she interrupted the text, there won't be any more flirting, all messages deleted so I don't have anything to cling on to!!
I feel bad, in a way, I used her anger to make me angry enough to do this. Karly won't know that she has freed me emotionally...how could she? She despises me and there isn't a chance in Hell given to explain that she over reacted.
For my sake, I hope that, what happened and how it ended up was for the best...letting go of Lin and Karly has been very difficult choices. I wish that who ever they choose to be their partner, will take very good care of them, not to make the same mistakes I did and to truly know their worth.
Karly, one last word, your temper will bring you more trouble if you don't do something about it. You over-reacted to my text because you misinterpreted, I never intended to poke your wounds of not being able to have the things you wanted...
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