Birthday

Since I've left the catering business I have been able to have the day or evening of my Birthday off.

Yet I still feel the same...every year, the days leading up to it, I get very irritated and frustrated. On the morning, when i wake, I think to myself..."great, another working day"!

For many years it has been like that for me, working or working on the day itself. I guess that's why I have no affinity to my birthday because year in year out its work, work, work. This year is no different yet I'm beginning to yearn for a little attention on the day...

When I was with Lin...she'd pop round and try to arrange something for us. Bless her...and I just went along because it was easy and she's made effort. The most memorable birthday was my 21st, Lin and I was together officially for 3 days and my best mate, Adam was there! Lin made a malteser cake for me...from deep within my soul, a tear was shed...

My immediate family was half was across the world in Hong Kong...it has been that way since my 17th birthday.

I've had two birthdays without her...this year, i wished for her to be happy for as long as she lives.

Some may ask, "why don't you use that wish on yourself?". The answer to that is simply, I don't believe that I deserve it...I've got nobody dependant on me, I've single handedly killed Lin's love for me and there isn't much going for me... So why waste a wish on someone like this? Lin deserves every wish I get to be used on her...

I really miss her...my past actions to her was extremely unfair and unjustified...perhaps this is the reason why the Gods punishing me for my mockery of someone's affection...Lin, live a long, happy life and may you never come across another person like me ever again...another wish well spent I think...