Events in my life.

From the very start, I was told that Cathy was hurt badly in her last relationship, it's more likely I'll be a friend than boyfriend and that she isn't looking for anyone anytime soon. From her blog, her eyes and the words she uses, I can tell she misses him and meant the world to her. He who just left...literally...left her life as if a gust of wind... My emotional side says let her be yet my logical side tells me to persist! If I don't try then I run the high chance of failure without trying... If I do persist, then fail, at least I knew I did something... Persistence it is.

A few days ago I had a very short dream...i dreamed that there was this beautiful girl around the age of 2, maybe 3 running up to me, telling me to go play with her. She had two pony tails tied, a white small dress, long, straight black hair...my eyes and a face probably belonging to her mother, as i can't see anymore resemblance between us. I reached to hold her hand...then i woke. I told this dream and the image of the girl to my aunt...my aunt asked if I ever asked anyone to have an abortion...alarm bells went off in my head... My aunt continued to explain that, many years ago, she heard stories of people having dreams of their aborted children coming back to see them. Of course the child with passing time grown even in the spirit world and would definitely have features from their parents so the parents could recognize them... If that story is true...i wonder if that was my child I saw...those eyes were mine for sure...child...i'm so sorry for not being able to bring yo...

Oh Lin... Even now...a year and two months onwards I still get asked what did I do to mess up our relationship. It seems like people just cannot accept that it was all my fault...they want the details...but I am far too ashamed to tell... You were an awesome girlfriend to me and no doubt that you're an awesome girlfriend to your current boyfriend too... I, from the depths of my soul (or what remains of it) sincerely wish you all the best with your current partner...yet my relatives had to say "maybe you two will reunite one day". I can understand where they're coming from but I probably won't be able to us another chance due to my shame in crushing your heart on our last days together...a demonic act to someone as sweet as you can only be a demonic creature. I can never apologize enough nor do enough to make it up to you...

I was suppose to put this up eons ago! These are the photos of the flat that is mine! Haha. Of course it looks a little basic but it's for renting out and not myself! Here they are!

Ah, Friday night! Life has certainly twisted for me in a few sectors! House party then to the student union where I've not been to in years (literally!)...I'm telling you, I am actually going out more now in my late 20s that i did in my uni days. And then there is Cathy...the one that has some how put in me a intoxicated euphoric state. Did I allow this or did she cast a spell on me? Who knows, for now I'll enjoy the journey and not think too much! Having that said, I am in a moral dilemma just now...do I go looking for a new job or do I go back to my old trade of running a small business...?

~~sigh~~ Thursday 7th November...it was near the end of the working day and the manager asked to see me. He asked me how I think I was getting on...I replied; "fine i guess"…but there was a look...a very "unhappy" look in his eyes and the smile was forced... I pretty much knew what was going to happen next. I was initially hired as a Salesman to be part of their expanding team however due to my lack of experience and lacking of absolute enthusiasm for cars I was place with the Valet team to hopefully boost my interest in cars...in short it didn't work. My manager said with the most unwilling look in his eyes..."You're a great worker, you do what's needed and get on with it as if you're on a mission! But I cannot justify your earnings with what you're doing..." I interrupted his speech..."It's ok Chief...i understand...at the end of the day, you're running a business and you have to cut unjustified losses to the compan...

As I am writing this, she is going through my mind...who is she? How is she doing this? Why is it that I can hear her voice when she isn't near me? What is this intoxication? Am I poisoned? Have I been caught up in somebody's web? I want her...i want to see her...be around her...I am poisoned...and it seems it only grows worse and worse with each passing hour... How did this poison get injected into me? Will I be able to regain my right state of mind or will this intoxicating yet slightly euphoric state take over me completely... I am struggling to keep my mind at peace...Poisoned Euphoria...something that is bad and gets worse but makes you feel so good... I like having her in my head...that smile...her scent...her voice... I may have became a slave... How deep does this poison go...?